How To Communicate With Disrespectful Family Members

Can you respect people that don't respect you?

“If you don't respect me, simply ignoring you is a relief.”
― Toba Beta

Hi,

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about respect and how to interact with people in your orbit who refuse to respect you. Maybe you have a family member who doesn’t treat you with respect because of your job title, your identity, or the way you dress. So many people will choose disrespect when they feel threatened, they don’t understand, or they disagree. Instead of having a conversation, they’ll resort to insults or passive aggressive behavior. Richard V. Reeves summed this up nicely: “disagreement is one thing; disrespect is quite another.”

For centuries we have been expected to respect our family members and our elders without question. Respect should be given even if they don’t respect you. Respect should be given even if they hurt you, belittle you, and question your entire being. Respect is something that is given with age no matter what. Unfortunately, some people just get older, they don’t actually mature.

We can learn a lot of from our elders and family members. When there is a culture of mutual respect, families succeed and generations experience the fruits of that labor. However, when respect is only given in one direction and there is no expectation that it will be followed up by respectful acts…we end up with a problem.

I got some replies to last week’s letter asking why you should ever give respect to people who refuse to respect you. Discussions about family respect tend to end up here: What do I owe someone who has given me nothing? What do I owe someone who has only taken from me? Do I have to respect those that do nothing but disrespect me?

This is the second Friday letter in a series on Respectful Family Communication. To continue reading, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. You will get access to my weekly Friday letter series, webinars, workbooks, and all my previous work.

Now let’s get back to:

• THE PROBLEM: Respectful Communication Doesn’t Always Flow Both Ways

• THE WHY: Some People Will Just Never Respect You (Even If You’re Related)

• THE HOW: To Communicate With Disrespectful Family Members